To and From

I. Columbus

I decided to fly in and out of Milwaukee's airport this Christmas; it was my attempt to shave a few dollars off my fare, as well as avoid walking Concource C at O'Hare during the holidays. My folks appreciated it, although the drive was longer...it was "more relaxing".

The more I try and figure out how to be more "chill" about uncomfortable moments in life, the more I see an obstacle course of hoops and mirrors ahead. Making a long story...well, just as long; it's difficult for a person like me, who has always struggled with being either too shy or too aggressive, to determine how to deal with difficult people and just move on. Here were the steps I followed in the Columbus airport ten days ago:

1. Get three hours of sleep before going to the airport
2. Ask the Northwest Airlines employee (politely) why your confirmation # won't work
3. Awkwardly drop your itinerary on the floor (employee picks it up, gives look of disapproval, tells you you are flying out of Midwest Airlines)
4. Employee gives you the strangest, rudest, roll-her-eyes-at-you, snotty smirk and evil eye and says, "Yeah."
4. Flustered, you say, "Don't look at me like that, it's early...people make mistakes!"
5. Experience no response, followed by evil smirk from employee
6. Walk away
7. Consider walking back and A. pulling her hair, B. ask for her name and say you are going to complain to her manager
7. Ponder how she doesn't know what your week has been like or how much sleep you've gotten
8. Ponder how you don't know what her week has been like or how much sleep she's gotten
9. Call a friend to dissuade you from going back and pulling said employee's hair

This is the first time in my life I've ever applied step 8 in my routine.


II. Milwaukee

My hopes of picking up the latest David Sedaris book at some swanky airport book store were dashed by...well, it's Milwaukee. But my disappointment was quickly replaced by a decently sized second-hand book shop right across from the tiny food court. I would have Cinnabon on my way back out, for sure.

With an hour to kill, I strolled leisurely from iasle to iasle, poking at old Life mags and 1950's mystery novels...and saw this.



I opened up to a page and read this passage (followed by a parenthesis);



and flipped back to the inside front cover.




I don't need to bore you with the details, but I really needed to read this passage at that particular moment. It's easy to preach the idea to others and to judge others' missteps when they use circumstances to justify their actions. It's not so easy to apply it to one's self.

There's this book of poetry that sits on my coffee table...it's called Risking Everything; 110 Poems of Love and Revelation.

I've had it for years and it has kind of followed me from relationship to relationship. I'm not talking about the romantic kind, necessarily. I'll flip through to find some words that remind me of someone I know, or know of. Sometimes "risking everything", "love" and "revelation" extend to your friends, aquaintances and colleagues. Although...it took me a long time to understand that.

I think it's difficult to live with the fact that people will never be what we want them to be, act how we want them to act, respond as we'd hoped. It's hard to be okay with that. It's hard to see people for who they are when you expect them to act according to your own standards.

So here, here is my choice for the night and maybe the month, or year...until the thought naturally becomes my own:

I Unpetalled You
By Juan Ramon Jimenez

I unpetalled you, like a rose,
to see your soul,
and I didn't see it.

But everything around
-horizons of lands and of seas-
everything, out to the infinite,
was filled with a fragrance,
enourmous and alive.

-Translated by Stephen Mitchell