Out of Order

I went through this phaze at about 25 when I wanted a reason for everything; pouring all of my energy into what a psychic said or what a horoscope said...until life kind of took the reins and kept on revealing the unexpected.

"Out of Order", the sign read on this old game...
the plaster fortune teller; locked behind glass with an unflinching gaze has had her cards in a row for decades and a stash of futures for the price of a quarter.






"So it goes" is the catchphrase in a book by Vonnegut that has popped back into my head as of late. There's a bit of acceptance involved there; I have no say over other peoples' actions or feelings. In turn, I have no reason to believe that any other person or thing has the power to predict my fate. I believe we are all taken care of by something greater than we can ever imagine (the flowers that popped up accidentally in the transplanted pile of dry dirt next to my office last week show me that).

The psychic will pass on, the stars will shift and the fingers of a mechanical fortune teller will chip as her gears wear down and the pre-fabricated fortunes run out. And the unexpected will keep on coming...

Parallels

These colors share a common sidewalk:





I left both of these things unattended in my kitchen two nights ago:




And these things share a common fate:




A couple of years ago when I was down in the dumps my mom gave me some good advice; "Go out and do something that you enjoy." Whether it's taking pictures, doodling on a napkin or walking outside at midnight to look at the moon, I still find comfort in making connections and realizing that the world is far to complex for me to understand and far bigger than me to be measured in absolutes.

I threw up on Friday night and the ordeal involved two shades of green:



Just thought I'd share.

She Might, She Might Not

She might
reproduce
do the dishes
occasionally...
stop at the local liquor store.

And it's time, time, time
And it's time, time, time
And it's time, time, time that you love
And it's time, time, time

I'm listening to Tori Amos' version of Tom Waits' "Time".

I can't concentrate today; I put in my earbuds at the computer to listen to some slow music to calm my nerves. I can't stop thinking about my friend who is in the hospital right now. It's like a light switched on this past Tuesday night when I walked out of those double doors at the James and walked back to my car...to my apartment where my power had been out for two nights. I truly never understood why people would fight to live for anything; why do we try and avoid death? Why...when we don't know in the end exactly what the value of life on this Earth is...do we to cling to it? What do we have to lose by dying?

All I could think on Tuesday and all I can think today is that life can't be measured by the fact that we might die; what do we have to lose by fighting to live? And yes, Bill...if the zombies were coming...I've decided, I would fight them.

Yesterday I stumbled upon an article about a possible cure for Cancer found in a harmless strain of virus related to the common cold. There are people out there working for other peoples' right to live. I now find myself more appreciative than ever and in more admiration than ever of these people. Just as death is a great unknown (in my mind anyway)...in so many ways life is equally uncharted territory that requires an enormous amount of bravery and risk to experience fully.

This time is precious.